5 Sex Jokes

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  1. I was sitting
    on my own in a
    restaurant, when I
    saw a beautiful
    woman at another
    table. I sent her a
    bottle of the most
    expensive wine on
    the menu. She
    sent me a note: "I
    will not touch a
    drop of this wine
    unless you can
    assure me that
    you have seven
    inches in your
    pants." So I wrote
    back: "Give me the
    wine. As gorgeous
    as you are, I'm not
    cutting off three
    inches for anyone.
  2. A teacher is
    teaching a class
    and she sees that
    Johnny isn't paying
    attention, so she
    asks him, "If there
    are three ducks
    sitting on a fence,
    and you shoot one,
    how many are
    left?" Johnny says,
    "None." The
    teacher asks,
    "Why?" Johnny
    says, "Because the
    shot scared them
    all off." The
    teacher says, "No,
    there are two left,
    but I like how
    you're thinking."
    Then Johnny asks
    the teacher, "You
    see three women
    walking out of an
    ice cream parlor.
    One is licking her
    ice cream, one is
    sucking her ice
    cream, and one is
    biting her ice
    cream. Which one
    is married?" And
    the teacher
    responds, "The
    one sucking her ice
    cream." Johnny
    says, "No, the one
    with the wedding
    ring, but I like how
    you're thinking
  3. Arnold
    Schwarzenegger
    has a big one,
    Michael J. Fox has a
    small one,
    Madonna doesn't
    have one, The
    Pope has one but
    doesn't use it,
    Dominique
    Strauss-Khan uses
    his all the time.
    What is it? Its a last
    name and shame
    on you for thinking
    it was something
    else.
  4. A little girl
    and boy are
    fighting about the
    differences
    between the
    sexes, and which
    gender is better.
    Finally, the boy
    drops his pants
    and says, "Here's
    something I have
    that you'll never
    have!" The little girl
    is pretty upset by
    this, since it is
    clearly true, and
    runs home crying.
    A while later, she
    comes running
    back with a smile
    on her face. She
    lifts her dress,
    drops her knickers,
    and yells, "My
    mommy says that
    with one of these,
    I can have as
    many of those as I
    want!
  5. Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina. He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge." A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!" She replies, "I lost it, honey." A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?" Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

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